


The Prettiest of Lies

by handsometabbyc



Category: The Andy Griffith Show
Genre: Americana, M/M, Mutual Pining, Southern Gothic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27690097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handsometabbyc/pseuds/handsometabbyc
Summary: Barney a hotshot farmhand with dreams of seeing the world, takes a job as a traveling salesman, partnered with disillusioned charlatan Andy Taylor. The two eventually hit it off and end up changing each other's outlooks of what the American dream is to them.
Relationships: Barney Fife/Andy Taylor
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I original wanted 'Hometown Hero' (previously titled The Golden Boy) to be a salesman AU, sorta like Music Man, you know: charming con man comes to town, falls in love w/ townie, etc... obv it didn't work out that way, but I still wanted to try out the idea in a different fic.

Barney leaned outside the Plymouth Appliance headquarters watching the busy city street, wishing he had a better suit then the worn, second hand one he had on now. 

He was there because of an ad he'd just seen just hours before. 'Plymouth Appliances looking for sale personnel' It'd said, boasting: 'Sales personnel for travel and adventure!'. The second he saw it he marched in and demanded they see him. It was the only time he could do it after all, he only got to go to the city once a week, and he figured a job like that wouldn't wait around just for the likes of him.

When he walked back into the front room a tall, sturdy looking man with curly brown hair styled in neat waves was there laughing about something the receptionist had said. Barney paid them no mind, sitting down in one of the faded green polyester cushioned chairs, but still caught the eye of the man.

"You must be that fella who waltzed in asking for an impromptu interview." He said, turning to him.

Barney shot him a suspicious look. "So what if I am?"

The man sat down across from him. "Hey, I ain't one in any position to judge, I'm just saying you might have better prospect if you scheduled for tomorrow or something."

"I don't have tomorrow, I'm only in the city once a week." Barney said frankly. "And well... sometimes taking a chance is better then nothing, you know?"

"Suppose that's as good an outlook as any, but what sort of line of work are you in that brings you in the city only once a week?"

"I work on Brimley farms, the one with the big rooster out front?"

"Can't says I'm familiar... I'm afraid I'm not exactly from round here. Ain't spent much time outside the city neither, when I am here." The man dismissed.

"Oh..." Barney said, grimacing a bit. "Yeah I guess you wouldn't know then."

"Don't take offence at this, because I mean it in the highest regard possible, but your the best looking farmhand I've ever seen."

"Well I do like to look sharp when I can." Barney said, feeling proud, but then the man had to continue.

"...Once a week, when you go into the city." He supplied dryly. _Had he been making fun of him?_ Barney thought with dismay.

"I'll tell you, I'm one of the best farm hands there are too." Barney pressed on fiercely. "I'm the only one who Farmer Brimley trust to drive the tractor and use the equipment while he's away."

The man scoffed. "Well gooo-lly, that sure is something to be proud of."

Barney's face screwed up in anger at that. "Listen here mister, you may have your spiffy new suit and your fancy city job, but that don't mean your better then me. Farmers are the backbone of America, the back bone of America I say!"

The door of the main office opened just then and the man he'd briefly met earlier came out, an Albert Stewart as he recalled. "Mr. Fife, I'm sorry if you were waiting for long. You caught us uh... by surprise."

"Oh I don't mind." He said eagerly, taking off the hat he wore, shaking his hand. "I do appreciate the consideration Mr. Stewart, I don't come into the city too often."

"I see you've met Andy Taylor, one of our top salesmen. We've been trying to find a new partner for him."

"How'd you do." Andy said frankly as he stood. "Other guy got married, didn't want to be away from his new bride."

"...I see." Barney said hesitantly. "So he would be the fella I'd be working with?"

"Yes, is that a problem?" he asked.

After a moment Barney shook his head. "Of course not, I requested this interview after all and I respect your time." He marched into the office and Albert gave Andy a look.

"...What are you looking at me for? What did I do?" He said innocently.

"It's always something with you." He said with narrowed eyes. "Your lucky you have good numbers." 

"Course I have good numbers, I'm charming."

"Right, charming. If anything comes of that 'charm' I don't know anything about it." He warned him.

"I don't know whatever you're talking about. I'm the husband or bachelor next door, only more handsome then those S.O.B.'s could ever be." He said before leaving.

\---

He was initially dismissive of Barney, but their interaction stuck with him.

"I've been thinking about that Fife fellow, I think you should hire him." Andy said to his boss Mr. Stewart when he got back in the office, Barney long gone. 

"He said you insulted him." He pointed out. "And now you've decided you you like the poor shmuck?"

"Like? What's that got to do with anything?" Andy said dismissively. "Besides, it's how he reacted when I insulted. That spitfire passion for what he does, I can use that... the hayseed has potential Al." 

"Always comes down to usefulness with you, doesn't it Taylor?"

"It damn well does for everybody, and if they say otherwise they're a god damn liar." Andy shot back fiercely.

"All the same, you are aware I just saw him as a courtesy right?" He said.

"Yes sir, I-"

"In fact I told him that in consideration of his enthusiasm, but he answered 'well thank goodness, I wouldn't want to work with a sorry stuck up asshole like him.'"

"He's certainly spirited." Andy said. "With determination, and standards to boot... He does seem like the type with those pesky things they called morals, but I think I can work around it."

"I know that look Andy, and so I'll say this: He don't like you, despite whatever ideas you have him isn't going to change that."

"Al, you seem to have forgotten I'm the best god damn salesman you've got... let me float this proposal your way: If I were to convince him to take a chance on me, would you take a chance on him?" he insisted. "I really do have a good feeling."

His boss sighed in defeat. "How are you so sure you'll convince him?"

"Sometimes taking a chance is better then nothing." Andy said, repeating Barney's words.

\---

It took him awhile to find the farm Barney was talking about, he really wasn't familiar with the area, and it was drawing toward the end of the day when he finally did, that damn rooster made up of salvaged rusting staring down at him with what looked like bottle bottoms that glinted in the sun over a field of corn.

"That sure is a giant rooster." Andy muttered to himself before pulling into the farm.

When he got out an older fella he could only assume was Farmer Brimley approached him. "Did you see the sign at the gate? We don't allow no solicitors!"

And glanced at the car door of the dust covered Ford Galaxie which proclaimed: 'PLYMOUTH APPLIANCES' and shot the man a sheepish smile. "I'm not here to promote what are in my opinion the finest appliances produced in the US of A, I wanted to see an employee of yours. Barney Fife?"

"...Whose asking?"

"Andy Taylor."

The man grumbled something as he trudged away. Andy sighed, taking the opportunity to take in his surroundings: farmhouse, barn, an hen house, more corn fields. 

Barney walked toward him, wearing a pair of overalls that... in Andy's opinion... didn't particularly suit him. 

"Brimley sent me to get rid out you." Barney said bluntly.

"Now now, you don't need to be like that, I just wanted to talk to you."

"I suppose this is some sort of horseshit where you tell me I still have a chance at the job if I apologize. It's like I told your boss: I don't want the job if it involves you."

"No, the opposite in fact." He insisted. "I came here to apologize to you, I was wrong to talk down to you like that. Because out of all the applicants I think you're the most suitable for the job and I'm hoping you'll give me a chance."

"Why on earth would you want that?" 

"You could've said nothing, most people might've especially after busting down the door of Plymouth Appliances..."

"-I didn't do no busting." Barney muttered, turning a little red.

"But you didn't let yourself get treated poorly, even if it fucked up your chances."

"I already have one job I get talked down to, I don't need another." Barney admitted.

"So what do you say?" Andy said. "You willing to give me another chance?"

"I don't think I can rush off, wouldn't be fair to Brimley." 

"It'd be in a week."

"I don't have a decent suit, nor can I afford one."

"They'll foot the bill." He insisted, looking at him expectantly.

Barney shook his head, smiling. "I don't know if it's all together smart, but I'm inclined to say yes."

Andy flashed a smile back at him, and Barney thought with dismay for the first time, but certainly wouldn't be the last: _God damn if that isn't one bastard of a handsome man._

_____

On one of the few last days Barney was there he showed Andy the farm, which was how they ending up going into the seemingly unending fields.

"I like walking down here when I need to think." He said, him and Andy separated by a wall of corn. "I know, probably seems silly, but It's like I'm closer to the earth."

The corn leaves rustled in the wind, and on occasion Andy could swear he heard the stalks groan and crackle quietly, as if they were whispering secrets, secrets he wasn't too keen to be let in on. "You're certainly uh... cut off from everything else." 

"Can't believe this is it just about it... ain't ever coming back here." Barney said.

"You been here long?" Andy asked.

"I've lived around here my entire life. Been working here for five years, and before that for my Daddy on our family farm. Figured I'd take over from him one but... it didn't work out that way."

"Let me guess, he died and ya'll discovered he was massively in debt." Andy said grimly.

"Right on the money there..." He said, shaking his head. "I tell ya, that farm had been in our family for near ninety years. Gotten ten years after the civil war, survived the great depression... only to get repossessed by the bank just because of a few lousy seasons."

"What happened after that?" Andy asked.

"It was just a handful of us kids, Ma already gone some years before that, so there was nothing keeping them here."

"All except you." 

"Farmer Brimley was kind enough to give me a job and a place to stay, bein' a friend of my Daddy's and all."

"Must be glad to be leaving then." 

He heard Barney sigh. "I don't know, don't get me wrong, I am... but mostly I wish things had worked out different."

Andy didn't know how to answer that, and still didn't until the morning they left in the wee hours where the world still had a blue hue to it, wanting to get a early start. 

He saw Barney giving the shabby farm one last look, a far more sentimental look then it deserved, and felt a twinge of something he could swear was protectiveness.

Maybe that's why he said what he did after they'd hit the road and stopped by a diner for a quick breakfast.

"...You know, I was thinking about what you said, about wishing things had worked out differently."

"Oh yeah?" Barney said, looking up from his eggs.

"I mean... maybe it isn't the end of the world that it worked out like this. We all have our time. Your Daddy had his time, and that farm inevitably would've had it's time, and given the nature of things it'd be barrowed time."

"What're you getting at?" Barney asked suspiciously.

"I'm saying if the bank hadn't swept in you'd be stuck with a failing farm, struggling to make it work, obligated by almost a century of heritage. And it ulitmately would've been an uphill battle given the progression of capitalism and corporations dominating the market. You would've been in the same place you were when your Daddy died, only you would've put it on yourself."

"I would've liked to at least had the chance to carry along the torch." Barney said with a kind of weak determination.

"Maybe this is you're chance to make your own destiny, no obligation to the past, just the future stretched far ahead."

Barney took that in account with a that flash of an unreadable smile. However he took that sentiment was something he wanted to keep to himself, for instead of voicing them he asked: "What about you, where do you come from?"

"It's a place called uh... Mayberry." He said. "Little town in North Carolina, best place in the world. What people imagine when they think of small towns. Probably still like it, filled with like minded folks who will do anything to keep their way of life."

"What do you mean probably still like it?" Barney asked.

"Ain't been back in awhile. I left because I felt like the world might be bigger... didn't come back because I discovered it was."

They finished their food in silence at that, before getting up and continued on their way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Realized my last chapter wasn't quite gay enough, wanted to rectify it with this one ;)

The word ‘honest’ wasn’t as they say, ‘In his vocabulary.’

...Or maybe it was, Andy certainly threw it around enough, but he never learned to understand it. More specifically, why people bent over backwards for it when it was so much easier to twist things a bit.

Maybe it was routed in the fact he had a troubled upbringing that was the result of him spending a portion of his childhood and the majority of his youth with his aunt, and even they’d never really gotten along. Not that he had anything against the woman, they just never saw eye to was all. 

Where ever it came from, it came down to the undisputed fact that whether people liked it or not they didn’t want to hear a hard truth, they wanted to hear what would make them happy.

...granted, they usually wern't too happy when they learned he duped them, but that was a perk of his current trade. If you kept moving you’d be long gone before it was discovered. It was one of his rules in fact.

Unfortunately that was difficult to do when it came to his current associate Barney Fife, who probably didn’t follow the same philosophy nor would appreciate being lied to. And he knew he shouldn’t... but dammit if he hadn’t taken a shinning to the likeable bastard and wanted him to do the same.

“We could’ve eaten inside.” Barney protested. They sat at a picnic table drinking beers with dinner: burgers they'd ordered to-go after a long day shilling vacuum cleaners and mixers. A massive oak hung above their heads, one that had been there long before them and, with luck, would be there long after.

“Aw come on, it's such a beautiful evening. Besides I didn’t like the way the waitress was lookin’ at you.” Andy joked. “That’s a work hazard if I ever did see one, loosing my partner to some woman’s feminine wiles who wants to make an honest man of him. Again."

The truth, between him and himself, was he wasn't entirely joking. He wasn't sure when it had happened over the past couple of weeks and how the hell he'd let it happen. Perhaps too many evenings celebrating meeting their quota at the local bar in whatever small town they were going through. Too many evenings of dancing with the barfly floozies where he couldn't help but keep looking at the other man, and too many times where he looked at Andy over their drinks with that starry eyed farmboy look asking about Mayberry again. _'Tell me that story again about how you and your friends snuck out to go to the carnival'_ or: _'Tell me about going to prom. You know, the one where your date ended up canceling but you ended up dancing with prettiest gal there'_

 _..._ And he did, despite knowing he shouldn't, they were mostly pretty lies, weaving a web he knew he would probably get tangled in. And yet he persisted because of that look the bastard gave him. Now that right there was a work hazard, made him feel things he didn't want to and say things he shouldn't. 

“Would that be so bad, settle down with some nice gal?” Barney retorted to his dismay.

The serious response to his jovial comment cut at him, almost violently grounding him. It was just as well he supposed, in regard to Barney he’d unfortunately broken another one of his big rules: Don’t. Get. Attached.

“You mean in this dump?” He answered, quickly recovering.

“Oh, you know what I mean...in general.” Barney insisted.

“It’d have to be some place really special for me, not to mention one hellva gal.” 

“Do you think you would if that happened?” Barney ask curiously, with such a sweet earnestness Andy had to laughed.

“I’m sure I would Barn, if either of them existed.” He agreed half heartedly.

\---

Later that night, chaos of the day subdued leaving him to his thoughts. Andy sat in his boxers and undershirt in the bathroom against the sink. There was a window that opened to a field, which he stared out pensively.

He brought the cigarette in his fingers to his lips, the rattling hiss as he took a long slow drag was almost lost in the sound of the night wind in the grass. A lone mocking bird started, reminding him of another place and time.

There was a sound within the hotel room behind the not quite closed bathroom door, in the room where he a Barney slept. He loved this job, sometimes it made him feel like the most important person in the world, but other times he felt like that was a delusion and he was just keeping on to keep on.

“Ang?” He heard Barney soft tired voice at the door. “You okay? you’ve been in there for awhile.”

“I couldn’t sleep, didn’t want to wake you.” Andy answered, adding: “Why don’t you come in here, I'm decent and I don’t want to shout through the door.”

Barney stepped in, blurry eyed with the cheap tartan throw that had accented the end of his bed clutched around his shoulders, locks of hair he normally greased back back hanging down around his face.

“You didn’t come back.” He grumbled, sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

“I was about to.” Andy insisted gently. “I just had to...you know, think for awhile. You know how it is, when something keeps prayin’ on your mind?”

"It's funny you should say that, I had something on my mind too."

"Is that right?"

Barney shrugged helplessly. "What you said today, about not believing a place for you existed... that's not entirely true isn't it?"

Andy scoffed, staring out the window gloomily. "If your talking about Mayberry, it's like I've side before it don't exist no more." He realized how that sounded, and looking back at Barney's confused bewildered face he added: "Not like how it was anyway."

“You don’t think it’s like that anymore?”

“It’s been over a decade. I’ve changed and no doubt the town has changed too.”

“Well... as you know I grew up on a farm.” Barney said. “Never got to see much of anything, swore I’d see the world because of that... my Daddy thought I oughta enlist in the army, but I didn't qualify. At the time I remember thinking: 'maybe this means I was meant to stay here' ...Without realizing how much he wasn't telling me.” He looked up at Andy. "It stings you know, when someone you care about lies to you like that. Make you rethink a lot of things."

Andy swallowed hard. "I'm sure he uh... he meant well, didn't want to worry ya'll."

"We could've tried to work something out!" Barney insister fiercely. 

"What would you have done, robbed a bank?"

Barney swatted at his eyes. "...I don't know, I just wish I'd known."

“I can just imagine that, you going in, guns a blazin'."

He laughed bitterly at that. "Fuck... they wouldn't take me seriously."

"With that crazy look you get on you face sometimes? Of course they would." He said affectionately, snubbing out his cigarette in the plastic ashtray, shuting the window. “I think I’m ready to call it a night.”

"Right..." Barney agreed, before remembering something else he wanted to say. "Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm going on a date with that gal at the diner."

Andy had been about to go in the bedroom and stopped to give him an incredulous look. "And you're telling me this why?"

"Just thought you should know, I asked he out earlier and you were right, she does like me." Barney said with a triumphant little smile. "But don't worry, it isn't nothing serious."

"I ain't worried about nothing, didn't doubt you for a second." Andy insisted, before heading back to bed.

\---

After Barney left on his date Andy decided to take a chance on the motel the pool, opting for a quick swim before sitting poolside, trying to not think too hard about what his associate might be doing right now. Inevitably his thoughts drifted back to the town he couldn't go back to. It had been fifteen years. Fifteen years since he'd been gone and he still missed it terribly, more so lately in fact. 

A shifty but decent looking man he'd seen here earlier was at the other end of the pool was trying to catch his gaze and upon giving him a tight polite smile Andy looked away, slipping on a pair of sunglasses. He wasn’t really in the mood for a stranger that evening... especially with a certain someone one his mind.

After leaving Mayberry he’d made the decision to keep moving. Get himself a job where he could do that, where he could catch it where he could and then leave it behind. It certain helped his preferred sex tended to want to be left behind just as much as he did. There was an appeal to him: the handsome stranger from out of town who’d be gone before the week was over. 

The trouble was he occasionally got paired with guys like Barney who were just his type, charming and old fashioned in a way that was almost out of place. Even the way he chased after woman every chance he got, as ironic as that was.

Not to say he was a creep, well…maybe in some circles it’d be creepy, but Andy found it charming none the less, if he didn’t let the fact that he’d never be interested in Andy himself get to him.

He felt like home, in the literal sense. He felt about Barney similarly to how he felt about Mayberry: out of touch, but in a good way as if in all the chaos of time marching on he was somehow misplaced. He was something he yearned for, but at the same time knew it was not a good idea to get too close even if he was tempted to try every now and again.

Changing his mind about the lurking stranger, he decided a distraction would do him good. 

\---

Barney stormed back to the motel, his date having canceled at the last minute.

He was headed to to their room, looking forward to venting about it to Andy, when he overheard the man's voice speaking in a particular tone that made him hold back rather then barging forward, making his presence known. 

Andy was by the pool, wearing swimming trunks and a matching short sleeve shirt over his sun bronzed torso, talking up some skeezy looking fellow. Barney was no fool, he'd seen how he looked at men sometimes a particular way, so he was aware his partner had certain preferences. He certainly imagined that's where he slipped off to without telling him... usually when he thought Barney would be busy on evenings like this.

He'd never caught him in the act though, if you could call this that, so he couldn't help but watch out of curiosity. That was certainly something you could call Barney: curious.

He wasn’t whatever Andy was, he didn’t feel a pull towards men. And yet...

Andy smiled in the golden light of the sunset, a smile that gave the sun a run for it’s money. His hand went to his hip, other holding the sunglasses, absently nibbling on the tip of one of the ear rests. He looked exactly like one of those pictures he’d seen in the clothing catalogs, those picturesque barrel chested men in their matching Cabana sets. 

He embodied the world Barney always dreamed of... the small town suburban atomic age fantasy. One he felt he was cheated out of, growing up in the right time but the wrong place. Not that he blamed his folks for that, they certain did their best. 

And yet...

His eyes were on Andy still, trying his best to ignore other man and the way Andy was flirting with him as he thought back on the stories Andy would tell: being in football, going to prom, bbq’s in the backyard with neighborhood friends, science fairs and newspaper routes on a bike he borrowed until he could afford one of his own, trick or treating on Halloween when he was little and going out to parties with his friends when he was older. It was almost enough to live vicariously through those stories, on the outside looking it.

At least he liked to think that was enough, and that was all he liked about Andy and that god damn smile didn't effect him every time he flashed it. It certainly wouldn't be right, nor would feeling angry or jealous at the way the other man was looking at Andy. _He doesn't deserve him_ Barney thought with contempt as the two of them slunk off.

...But then again, did Barney?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!!!


End file.
